Predator

Predator starts off pretty simply, it shows a space ship landing on earth as the credits roll by, it's a nice simple premise and gives the viewer an insight which the characters in the film don't initially have. Sure, it's cheesy, but that's what the 80's were all about. After this short scene, we see Arnie getting out of a chopper, with a large cigar in his mouth. Now, I have no idea whether the script originally called for a giant of a man in the lead role, toting a cigar, but that's what they got when they signed on Arnie.

Back in the 80's films action films called for big stars, and they don't any bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger and his co stars in this film. We've got Schwarzenegger, playing 'Dutch', who happens to be the leader of an elite team of commandos. Sound familiar? Well, I've been thinking about it, and I'm convinced that John Matrix and Dutch are the same person. They have the same abilities - immense strength, awesome battlefield tactics, and sharp one liners.

Dutch (that's Arnie) meets Dillon, who used to serve with him, and Dillon's got a job for him. He's got to go on a rescue mission, with one catch, he's got to take Dillon with his team. Usually, he wouldn't allow this, but he's under orders, and the two do have a history.

Just to let us know how friendly these two guys are we get some banter, and then we get to see these two gods amongst men arm wrestle. Man, that's awesome. Hollywood in the 80's really knew what viewers wanted to see. Bulky arms sweating it out in a battle for supremacy.

What's a matter Dillon? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils?

A helicopter ride later and we've been familiarised with Dutch's commando team, and they're dropped into the jungle to rescue some dumbass cabinet minister who was flying on the wrong side of the border before being captured by guerrillas. Something is amiss in the jungle however. Terribly amiss. They find some marines with their skin tore off, some marines that Dutch used to know. Dutch isn't happy with the situation, and we all ought to know what happens when Dutch (or John Matrix) gets displeased.

They carry out the rescue mission just to find the entire deal was a scam. Dillon had took them in there on an intelligence mission, to knock out the guerrillas and seize as much information as possible - there was no cabinet minister. A quick exchange between Dutch and Dillon and we learn that Dillon has changed, the CIA have corrupted this ex-army man. Now he views his old friend Dutch and his team as mere 'expendable assets'. After this, the mood of the film shifts. Before, it was an action film, with Arnold Schwarzenegger near enough reprising his John Matrix role. He even gets to mimic his truck pushing scene in this, where he lifts up a dump truck and sets it off rolling with some explosives on the back. BOOM!

Now, it shifts into a horror mood. On the one hand, we've got a team of commandos with enough guns to overthrow a small country, whilst on the other hand, we have a nigh on invisible alien with futuristic weapons picking them off one by one. We quickly see that the weapons which so easily dispatched the guerrillas are no match for the Predators skills, and the tension mounts after Blain (played by Jesse Ventura), who previously had appeared to be the ultimate badass, is wiped out by the Predator.

You'll have plenty of time to bleed when you're dead!

What sets this film apart from most films are the badass heroes. As I've already mentioned, we've got Dutch, Dillon and Blain, but backing these dudes up are the rest of Dutch's team, including Mac, an old war buddy of Blain's (played by Bill Duke, everyone's favourite imposing black dude), Billy, a native American (played by Sonny Landham) and some other guys who live to kick ass and make jokes.

Not only do we have badass heroes, we've got badass heroes sporting badass weaponry. Dutch and Billy both sport giant machetes, everyone had got some serious firepower.. and then there's Blain, with Ol' Painless.

Ol' Painless is a beast of a machine gun, which tears through jungles, trees, foliage, and dirt, just as easy as it tears through flesh. It is such a weapon that when Blain dies Mac is compelled to pick it up and fire every single round off into the jungle in rage, hitting the Predator. In that particular scene, the other characters join in with the manic shooting, firing a couple of magazines worth of ammo a piece, and a few explosives to truly decimate the patch of jungle the Predator was last seen in. This provides the final payoff of the action in the film, and the viewer can't possibly miss it when we're being transported at breakneck speed into a final showdown between man-god and alien.

The rest of the film follows the commando team as they make a desperate attempt to get back to the rendezvous point, where they can catch a chopper and get the hell out of the god forsaken jungle and away from the Predator which is hunting them. The one liners which had earlier been pretty common now disappear, replaced by much more ominous lines, prophesising doom "We're all gonna die", doesn't quite have the same pep as "The other day I was going down on my girlfriend and I said 'Jeez you got a big pussy, jeez you got a big pussy'", but it reflects perfectly the changing mood of the film, its characters, and the situation.

Whilst Commando has more one liners and a higher kill count, Predator has it's own charm. It's a suspenseful, testosterone fuelled action/horror film like no other. It's music doesn't scream 80's at you, it sets the atmosphere, and it's in this respect that Predator is so greatly different from Commando. Commando is an over the top action comedy, which revels in being pure 80's. Predator is an over the top horror film, which is clearly from the 80's in it's cast choice, but puts itself aside of the decade in which it was spawned. This film isn't a pure cheesefest like Commando, and as a result isn't as fun, but it's still an exemplary film in its own right.

So, as an action film this gets 10/10. Arnie at his best, surrounded by the best.

As a horror film this gets 9/10. No horror film gets a 10/10 from me, but this is as close as I get. Great suspense, great monster, great heroes.

As an 80's film this gets a 7/10. No cheesy music, no montage, but plenty of one liners and plenty of muscles and gunfire.

If you haven't seen this film before, see it now before your testicles shrivel and your chest hair starts falling out. If you have seen it before, you would probably still be best off watching it again, just in case.